Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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