So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
