He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
