you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
