His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
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The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.