I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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