How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
