my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
