I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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