yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize