i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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