the condom got lost in my hair
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
