If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
