he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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