she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
