Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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