I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
