Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube