Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago