His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me