i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize