I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
