Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
