yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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