based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize