There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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