I wannas sexs uuuuu
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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