so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize