I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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