I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
