I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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