I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
