i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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