Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.