CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.