hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background