I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar