the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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