just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
