I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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