Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
