No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
one might say we're banned from that church
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
