he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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