I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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