apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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