I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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