Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
