Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
