ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
