i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
