and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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