You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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