Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize