Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
