FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
